Did you know mincemeat pie actually has meat in it? I didn’t. I know, I know. It’s right in the title. But still, I thought that was just some crazy nickname for a fruit/booze mash-up favored by the Brits. When I picked up the jar of ready-made mincemeat (yes, they sell jars of mincemeat), it was the “rum” on the label that caught my eye — I thought that adding booze to cooked fruit might make it a little less nasty. It works for most everything else, anyway. But then I learned there was some sort of meat paste in there too. That breaks two cardinal rules: Thou Shalt Not Eat Cooked Fruit Unless Thou Wants to Gageth and Sweet Meat Is an Abomination Unto Me. And, really, there’s only so much booze can do. So when it came time to taste, I took the tiniest little forkful I could. Then I hovered over the kitchen sink and took a little nibble. It was as gross as expected. But in an amazing act of bravery — if I do say so myself — I took another little smidgen just to make sure it was really that diabolical. It was. Tomorrow I’m going to stay safe and whip up a batch of crumpets. How bad can those be?